Touching Lives & Making a Difference! Uplifting One Spirit One Smile at a Time!

Category: Awarness

Perspective from a Young Mind in COVID 19 Era

Family, please, after you plead the Blood of Jesus over your Children, hug them close and if you can’t wrap your arms around them, call them and tell them you love them. Young minds in this COVID era need to hear it even more today.

Every day my I asked God to open my eyes to see what others can’t see, first within my son, that I can stop any and all attempts that may lead to him harming himself or attempting to commit suicide. (Yes he has tried, and yes he still talks about it).

Since this shutdown, others are dealing with similar thoughts and struggles as well, who may not have had issues in the past. For the parents of children with mental health issues, their condition has just become chronic. Making life a delicate balance as we live in a world with increasing hate and depravity against black and brown men and women.

Video after disturbing video being repeated replayed of how another life was senselessly taken either by a cop, a vigilante, or their own brother. Causing our young men and women to question their presence and purpose. Wondering which would take them out first, COVID 19 or a bullet. Asking if they should save others the problem and do it themselves. I had to have this unfortunate conversation with my 12-year-old son after he finally saw the execution of George Floyd.

Our children are suffering, many with pent up anger and confusion—isolation from all that is familiar to them. Yes, many states are starting to reopen, but with the reopening, comes other hard truths. Truths regarding the holes COVID have left in the fabric of our society.

The death angel spread his cape far and wide. Wiping out an entire school administration of some schools to whole families. Sometimes he cherrypicked, fracturing family homes, leaving parents without children and children without parents regardless of either age.

No, in the last three months, the world has changed. Isolation is now preferred, gatherings are health risks, photo ops are valued over life. Brutality is spotlighted, and racism is currently on trial.

Yes, the enemy is running wild, and our seed he is after. But God! But as parents, we can’t be with our older children as we are with those still in school. So we continue to plead the Blood of Jesus, that their ears would be tuned to Father’s voice thwarting every enemy attempt.

I write this as a mom who fights daily for a young black male child, who struggles to understand his purpose for living or the gift placed inside him when God created him. As a voice for others who feel they have lost their voice in depression and sorrow, the current time has brought them.

Lastly, I write this letter as a friend of a family that mourns the death of a young man gone too soon. A life shortened by his own hands for reasons I can not speak on specifically. A hole not only left in the nucleus of his family but his extended family both school and church that watch him sprout and was just beginning to bloom.

Call to action for all: Check-in your child, sibling, parent, or relative. Pray for them, over them, and with then. Make sure they are ok. And if they aren’t, find them help, to talk to someone. Don’t wait for someone else to speak up, cause then it might be too late.

In Loving Memory of Sir Dominique A.

COVID-19 Layman’s Pain

This pandemic should not be a political or money game. Nor should the care be divided between the have and the have nots.

Humans should not be used as human guinea pigs, as some of the wealthiest gets richer. Nor should testing be distributed amongst the wealthiest. As others must pay $49 just to see a doctor via video who then determines if you should be tested for the virus. Yet there may already be a vaccine for this virus. But it would not bring in the money as a new from the Gates foundation or Kushner’s old company would.
Two articles two read: Potential Vaccine & Gates reason for Vaccine

Race and Class Still Divides

If you are in the top 5% or higher bracket financially and are suspected to be in the presence of someone who may have or have been diagnosed with the COV-19 you can be tested. Even if you show no signs of systems. However, if you are in a lower pay bracket, a person of color or Latino descent, even if a person in your home was diagnoses, you are denied.

This disease has no color or class distinction, but those that control medical care do.

Best Intentions Aren’t Enough

The nursing homes group homes have all been closed off to the outside to prevent an outbreak. But with so little testing, it only takes one non-symptomatic carrier to come to work to breech every protection put in place. A real risk with so little testing happening in most neighborhoods.

Then there is the one who is titled commander and chief, speaking on medication with no medical knowledge or understanding of science. A commander who will have a difficult time washing the blood of the thousands of Americans off his hands. And those from around the world who listen to his advice and lies who have resulted in more untimely deaths. An administration that cares more about the bottom line of their friend’s companies then the widows, orphans and disenfranchised.

Why I Speak

I speak from a place of frustration, as I see the numbers of those infected and death tolls rise around the world.

I speak from a mother’s pain who watches her youngest go without critical daily services and those of other children with special needs children which range from mental health to medically fragile. Of mothers who are struggling to educate their children and try to prevent regression in critical skills.

I speak from a mother in anguish whose oldest child, going through his own medical emergencies, in a residential setting which is under strict shelter-in orders. That wakes each morning praying no employee slips passes the safety measures and affects any of the children’s residential homes.

I speak from the heart of a child whose love one in a nursing home just last week was walking and laughing and tonight is fighting for her life. A resident in a nursing home that should have been protected from the virus because she was already prescribed Trump’s miracle medication hydroxychloroquine. All because a worker who placed their life on the line to care for the elderly was an unknown carrier and entered her nursing home to care for her and many others.

A Whole New World

There will be no winners in the end when all is said and done. How can there be with the massive wholes this virus would have left in the basic fabric of our lives.

Initial family reunions will be gathering of memorial services to pay tribute to those that lost their lives during physical/social distancing enforcement. Schools will need to have grief counselors in place for the students, teachers, or administrators that will not be returning, Offices around the states no less with have to do the same.

Psychiatrist and ministers will need their own counselors in order to deal with a large number of personal and medical referrals. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder will be on the rise in many people.

If ever there would be a time for those that say they worship a true and living God, to step up now would be such a time. Now would be the time they realize that the building they can no longer congregate in, only housed various churches. The government did not close the church but closed the congregation of churches under one roof on Sunday. As Jesus sent His disciples out to minister, we are now called to do the same. With the building now closed all over the world every day, we need to remember how the first disciples shared the true gospel of Jesus. Bringing hope, trust, and faith to the sick and dying.

I will end with this, physical distancing will stop the quick harsh spread of this virus. But socially we can still talk, to one another by so many different tools, no one should feel alone. Each day, reach out and vocally give a friend a hug, you both will feel better for it.

As our Child age…

So as we get older and our child age, we asked ourselves what will happen when we can’t take care of our children anymore? Who will? Will they be ok?

These questions become a growing list of worries as child and parent both age. In NYC, the support drastically changes once they age out of school at 21. The new system, believe home care is the answer. But is it?

Many parents struggle with the daily challenges of raising their children, maintaining a home and paying bills. Many marriages fall apart because the struggle is real and one party can’t cope or accept their child’s diagnose. The mental and physical health of the parent(s) deteriorates due to lack of support, isolation, physical neglect.

The Struggle is real!

For many, we keep our child close to us as possible. Fearful to have them around anyone because they won’t be understood. Fearful of the reaction to others if they have a crisis or meltdown in public. Fearful of the ignorant comments we may receive by those who are judgemental without a clue. But by isolating our children are we really preparing them for the real world. By isolating ourselves, we become unaware of the pitfalls and danger to our own mental state.

To place or not to place

There are programs, for the server medical or challenging behaviors. Most of them are residential others are day programs. For the day program, we are a lot more accepting of them. For our child leaves our home, goes to a school fully equipt to meet their needs and then return to less than half equipt setting at home. See they need more than our love and presence. The need a fully structured program to train and teach them the skills we haven’t been able to teach. But to send them to someplace else we first have to understand that true love of our child, is not doing what is comfortable or expected so save face. True love is admitting when we are in over our heads and accept we are no longer capable of giving our child the care and love that need in totality.

Follow “As the child age…” continues discussing next the path of residential placement rational.

Started pinning my first non-fiction “Mommy I want to be an Angel.”

It harder than writing my fiction books “Matters of the Heart Series.” Though a lot of the storyline in my romance stories is based loosely on my friend or even my life growing up, there a different type of muscle need to write directly about your life for all to read.


Today I awakened with the intention of writing in spite of having my son home with me. It is time I learn how to push through the distraction of his presence and general activity and get these books from mind to paper to the publisher. What I expected to write and wrote are two very different topics and styles. I intended to write. God intention was to have me finally pin my story of raising a child diagnosed with a mental health disorder and suffers from depression with suicidal idealization. No word count but the first section of a 5 section notebook completed.


I also realize that I will also need to pen a story of surviving a child diagnosed with regression autism and a severe fatal esophagus disease if his diet is not followed carefully and sent to the ‘house of Eli’ for training and nurturing. So much of my first-born is at the beginning of this story for contextual information it would only be fair to share his whole story as well.

To walk in my calling, I must be transparent in why I do what I do. So the preparation begins for the next level to commence.


When you Write your Vision…You have clear directions

Are you are following your Vision as it is Written?

As as the 2nd month of the second quarter begins I started looking at everything on my calendar and realize everything isn’t speaking to my Purpose! Last year a took a position that held promise to take me the next level. Though I know nothing comes easy as you are growing but it shouldn’t steal my joy or bother me. There are other factors that also is playing my decision, the immediate need for my sons, my current health challenge. But the main thing is that it is taking me away from what I am called to do most.

God has placed books inside of me to write. Since the New Year, the time I would write has been occupied with other demands, As of May 7, I will tender my resignation letter. The Rate of Return (ROR) in some many ways did not make up for the cost of what I was paying.

It is important that we truly test every opportunity present before us. Yes, it may seem like a good path, it may even have many pluses that seems to benefit our goal. But if the ROR is less than the cost of what we are called to do, is it worth it? The spirit within speaks to us, and often we listen on the first whisper and other times we have to learn a direct lesson on why this wasn’t the route for us to take.

I received some good contacts  I have earned valuable connections, but in the vision that God has given me, this opportunity was given as a test, and after 6 months of struggling, after and praying for the past couple of weeks and days, after allowing God to speak into the plain writing of my vision, I know where I should be and what I should be doing.

Today, I leave these tidbits with you:

1) Test every opportunity against the true vision that God has given you.

2) Make sure the cost of your time is less than the Rate of Investment. The things that we do, may take not only monetary factor into consideration but it will also takes up valuable time we can’t get back.  Whatever we do we should ensure a plentiful return for our purpose.

3) WRITE YOUR VISION!  For months my vision was only in my head. Every time I set down to type it, I was distracted. Until one Sunday I set down with a pen and paper and wrote the vision that God has given to me for this year. The clarity that became evident spoke volumes to my spirit and lifted the pressure I could not identify,

“Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.” Habakkuk 2:2

We can’t truly operate within our vision if we never write it out. If I have written when I first tried back in January or even last December, I would have seen I have been walking in my understanding.

Now following the written vision and plan, I will continue to pray for God to increase my territory that I may serve His children, His precious daughter as He leads me.

Write your Vision and Listen to the guidance of Holy Spirit and watch your tent expand greatly.


Who am I in 2018

Last night in my first Mastermind class. Yes, I have stepped up the level of development I will receive His year. Each year since God has taken me on this journey of understanding His purpose and will for my life, He has allowed for one His daughters to minister at the point where I was in my life. 2016 He allowed me to meet Abundance Now Ambassador who explained every lesson that God has taught me in 2015.

See my relationship with my heavenly Father has been since the beginning That if I ask,  He answers directly and specifically through a relationship He establishes at that point in my life. To God glory, many of those relationships still exist to this today.

In 2015, my first born assigned to in a residential school, my youngest son’s diagnose became clear all while going through a divorce that was anything that was pleasant. Moving 20 years of my life and two children back to my childhood home that was anything but happy memories. Removed from all the personal support, God used that time to break my will and replaced with His. For 2016 the Abundance Now movement was what I needed to understand where I am, whose I am, and why I am.

In 2017, God levels me up in my life and introduce me a ministry that based on being Doers of the Word. He placed me under a ministry that required me to invest in myself, mentally, spiritually and financially. The Abundance Life Camp has guided me thru eviction, homelessness, to a new apartment. And most of all walking unapologetic in calling and purpose.

For 2018 God has added a new dimension to my development. And the first direct question for this month homework has made me realize that I have involved beyond even where I thought I was two years ago. At the end of 2017, Dr. Marshall and Dr. Grant had us reflect on what we have accomplished in 2017, where we have fallen short, our wins and our losses. If we reached the goals we set out to complete. But in the class, I realize that I am more than what many know of me. I am more than a single mother of two specific need boys that have overcome rejection from their father. More than the rejection of my mother or abuse from her family. I am more than the specific need advocate that loves working with other mothers saving them from the headaches I endured before receiving the help after the diagnoses of Autism for my firstborn. Yes, that is my passion, but I am more.

I am a woman that has the battle scares obtained through the University of Life thru God’s teachings. I am a minister to His daughters who need to know they can and will overcome every struggle set is before them. That we are not an island unto ourselves but as we are to fellowship with each other in the faith; we called each into a Beautiful Village of support.

As Peter told the cripple man in front of Gate Beautiful,  “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” What Peter and John gave to this beggar was hope and a belief in something greater than what money can buy. For all those that come to my ministry, Beautiful Village restores hope in women whose childhood and or adult lives have left them crushed and bruised. But it my hope to show them they are not broken but their strength is greater than even they realize. It is for the mother who doesn’t understand that the gift of raising a specific needs child is a blessing, albeit a struggle, but a gift. A gift to teach us who we are and what cloth we are made from. A gift that allows us to have a voice we may never have found otherwise. This is the same in every situation we face in life. The challenges we face is to prepare us to help someone else. To be a voice for those that are hiding, ashamed, or living in fear and need to know they aren’t alone.

As I move forward this year, I look to exposed every aspect myself and bring them together as a complete package. To end the fragmented knowledge of who I am with different segments. To present my total self to those that need me. No, I can’t be everything to everyone. Yes, there are areas in my life that though I may have overcome. However, I understand that there are those in my village that is better suited to talk about some topics better than me. But I am a complete package that’s created to share my voice to bring healing and hope.


Child Abuse

Child abuse is not only physical but emotional and mental. When you curse with profanity toward your child and before them, you are the who needs to be slapped when they repeat it. As you call your child every name but that which was written in on their birth certificate, understand changing their name changes them.  Using names that are degrading and hurtful over time,  the children believes these names are who they are. Done throughout their life, identity crisis will be a true issue in their future. When you expect a 4/5-year-old to manage as a 1o/11 or same as you, you stunt their growth and learning process.

Children are children. Yes, we must teach them, yes we must correct their behavior to learn right from wrong. But please make sure you know right from WRONG way correct and teach. Cursing, yelling, slapping and name call of a young child is abuse. Modeling the exact behavior before your child you correct from exhibiting, understand every child learns from what they see and then from what you say.

In becoming a mother or father, no longer is the status quo just to repeat what how your parents raised you. You may question why because you said you grow up ok. But have you? You have one or two children, unwedded and in some cases has an absentee partner. Your education is least if you completed high school. You’re living off your parents. The newest man willing to sell you food/shelter for sex or you are in a homeless shelter. You have no vision for your life but what your body can bring you. No wish to do more because you only know what you were instructed as a child. Unable to change your mantle because now you are an adult. You are all knowing and no one can tell you something better.

Without knowledge of the struggle our ancestor overcame, we are compelled to repeat them. The Word state in Proverb 29:18a “When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild.” (NLT) We are living with a generation running wild and abusing all generation coming behind them. After years of Kings that strayed away from the Word of God, King Hezekiah return the people of Israel to live before the Lord and His decrees. It is time for many Hezekiah’s’ to rise. Rise in the spirit of LOVE to teach and guide a lost generation how to be young ladies and gentlemen, how to love and respect themselves, how to be the light for the next generation.


Remembering Grandma’s Birthday

Forty years ago I was moved to NYC to be with my grandmother this month. For today would have been her birthday. If she was with us she would have been 112 years old. But nine months after bringing her baby girl home she went to sleep in the Lord.

Unlike most, I can’t speak on years of her love, kindness, and teaching. For I only had nine months to know her. Nine months to wonder why did she cause me come here to place my brother nor I fit in. However unlike most would choose to remember their grandmother, I remember the hell that broke loose or free after her death. Hell, that was because of jealousy, hatred, egos and power. Issues that were hidden, push under the rug, sent south to hide or banned from one’s home. Issues that has plagued generations after generations to this day.

Our community, my people don’t talk much about the past. Our communities hide away from incest and sexual abuse and rape of children, illegitimate children, abortions and criminal misconduct of generations old. Generation of old hide true birth records, criminal records, and true family trees. These hidden truths have caused future generations to unravel, breakdown, or be destroyed by the truth as they are revealed.

To stop this generation curse today we must raise our children in truth and love. We must teach them self-respect, respect of others, and discipline. Only by this can we turn the past into stepping stones giving our future generations hope.

As I approach my birthday, that I share in the month of my maternal grandmother, I seek Godly wisdom in the care and growth of my children. For no weapon of the past will overshadow their future. For the true Word of the Lord will be taught and lived before them. They will be victorious.

Hester Virginia Jefferson-Fields Finney, you may have realized your errors, or as your child had selfish motives for bringing her back home. Whichever is the case your grand and great grand+ are suffering from your actions or lack of? Your children have followed in the precepts of the youthful teachings and have caused at least two generations pain and suffering. The suffering that was not of their own doing or understanding and until they say the ‘the buck stops here’ and move forward taking the understanding we do have the true knowledge of the only Living God and rebuild our lives.

To say Rest In Peace as you watched the actions of your child that have yet to join you, sounds strange. Yet as the rich man who sought to warn his siblings of the error of their ways before they join him, you nor can her siblings can warn them of the judgment that must be faced. My prayer for your family is that they all seek after the Lord taught in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and abandon the gospel of the Finney clan that they have converted to the truth.

Your granddaughter,

Shattered Holiday Spirt

Holiday Depression and Emotional Crisis

Mother-child suicide/murder is one of the least publicized crimes in America. But, year after year these numbers are in the double digits across the United States. Many times depression is the route cause for such a tragic end. 

Families members, friends, parents and especially spouses of moms of young children or special need children, needs someone to care for them. They need to know after taking care of everyone else; they have an outlet and time to relax. Many times the pressure of motherhood is more than she can bear on top of being the caretaker of the home, parents, and everyone else throughout her go to daily life.

As we enter this last season of the year, it becomes difficult for those suffering from depression.  The expectation to meet the family tradition of cooking, hosting, gift purchasing with little time to rest adds an extra level of anxiety. This left unchecked can lead to tragic consequences. That shouldn’t be.Emotional Crisis

Many times the signs of depression are clear but too often the moms are informed: “suck it up and handle it!” Too many times those in the closest relationship allow work and personal obligations place blinders of the fact of  negative change in behavior within the mom.

Depression is real. Postpartum depression is dangerous and doesn’t end as quick as it starts. This holiday, look out for moms who distracted, tired and withdrawn. Offer a mom time to relax while you care for her children. Give the gift of life back to a mom suffering this season.

Though they haven’t labeled this tragic case, the fact is a mom and two young precious boys are now dead. Why didn’t anyone hear her cries for help?

This season is a hard time of the year for many people. Suicide Hotline 800-273-TALK (8255).

Article of Help!

8 tips for dealing with holiday depression
10 Practical Tips for Relieving Holiday Depression
Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping
Emotional Survival Guide for the Holidays
Beating Winter’s Woes



Learning Disabilities Awareness Month

One never knows another person beginnings. One never knows the struggles in life another I person had to overcome to be in the position they are today. This reason alone, no one’s’ life should be dismissed, resented, or converted but valued. The road they travel or the sacrifice they made doesn’t announce themselves to the world, only the position they stand today matters.

Growing up in Ohio and New York, my educational success wasn’t of me. See I started life with a low expectancy to live as a baby. Then as a toddler, it was clear to that I would have difficulty in many areas. Throughout my academic life, I struggled with all things English. First, due to a severe speech impediment, I learned to speak English. That issue snowballed into me failing all spelling and vocabulary test. See if child pronunciation is incorrect, then their ability to spell the word is compromised. If their pronunciation is incorrect, then their ability to define a word correctly is compromised too. When a child’s spelling and vocabulary abilities are low, their ability to write is hindered.

During my schooling, I faced the good and the ugly. The ugly in the system that dismissed and decimates a child hopes and dreams because that child could not work according to the expected norm of the system. If IEP existed then as they do now, then I would have been Speech Impaired & Learning Disabled. However, my abilities in other areas showed hope for me. For those teachers that believed every student could succeed, I saw the good in the system. Those that understood though I struggled, I never gave up, though the battle was difficult I continued to push forward and did my best.

In areas of math and computations I excelled. Introduction to computers was a blessing in disguise. Before graduating from High School, I mastered many computer programs to the level of being able to teach others. This proved to be an asset in High School and in college and to this day. Regarding areas of memorization, I excelled such that unintended plagiarism haunted my report writing as early as the seventh grade. Ms. Builder was the first to not only degrade my ability but ensured that cheating was the last way I ever wanted to be perceived. She restricted stories she felt was too advanced for me to comprehend and discussed. Then refused to accept my work as my own when I submitted it. I never forget the day I went to the assistant principal for arguing that I myself complete the book report without copying passages. At the office, I rewrote the report almost verbatim to the first report without the aid of the story or prior report. My ability to retain a photographic memory of what I read the help and hinder me in compensating for my deficiencies with the English grammar.

But to say my seventh-grade teacher was the last teacher that would mock my abilities and set barriers for my abilities would be wrong. In eighth grade, my English teacher continued the insults and degrading. A project was to explain something about our life or dreams turn out to be the last creative piece I did for some years. Being a lover of Greek mythology, I used characters and depictions from that literary genre to tell my story. Instead of understanding, my work criticized as delusional, immature and lack of form of normalcy or reality. We use to tell kids that “stick and stones may break my bones but word would never hurt them”, such a lie. The words were spoken by teachers and others in authority plants seeds of destruction, doubt, and roadblocks to dreams. It’s funny, those to teachers hated my ability to succeed so much that for my English citywide and Regents, they had my tests re-scored many times by multiple teachers because they were positive there was no way I could have passed. Yes, I failed or just passed the spelling and vocabulary sections, but aced the reading comprehension and essay. Even with my creative spelling, my punctuation, syntax and sentence structure was on point, allowing me to squeak by with a high enough grade to pass and receive a Regents Diploma from High School. Thankfully just as I had haters grading my papers, I had cheerleaders in the same group. I call them my guardian angels who watched over me during those periods in my life.

In college, my struggles continued until one advisor set me down to understand how I could pass every oral review and fail the written exams. Eventually, I tested to discovered I was/am dyslexic. Not learning disabled, not incapable of succeeding but wired in a way that conventional teaching was not adequate enough to teach me to my fullest potential.

Today I stand as an advocate for children with special needs. As stand a blogger to bring hope and belief to parents whose child is struggling under various diagnoses. I stand pose on the cuffed of being a published fiction and nonfiction author.

October is awareness month for those labeled with learning difficulties. It is my belief every child can learn and succeed. Not every child will be a rocket scientist, but every child given the time and tools can learn to communicate effectively their thoughts and needs. Education isn’t a one method fits all. Nor should once force children to fit in a mold created absent of them in mind. Free public education should not contain a single ideology that stereotype or label children who do not perform to another’s expectation. It should allow various methods to reach all children. For those that can sit and learn, let them sit. For those that need to stretch and move, let them move. We must demand as parents that our children receive an education without their spirits to achieve and strive slew in negativity. As parents, we can insist that classrooms and educators teach each child according to his/her learning style and pace and not to a test that gives no meaning to the child’s true potential. As an educator, we must open our mind to different methodologies to reach each child regardless of race, creed or religion.

This Awareness Month, let’s bring the awareness that disabilities’ means different abilities that require different teaching styles, but we all can SOAR to our individual height.

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