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Growing up, I thought I was the only daughter who lost her mother at the age of fourteen, yet my biological mother raised me and is still very much alive.

As an adult, many think that I grieve your absence because God called you home, but not so, at least to my knowledge.

How can you grieve someone that is twenty minutes away by car if that? How can you have such a void in today’s time when technology allows you to facetime from any place around the world?

I woke on your birthday mentally refusing to accept the calendar had moved forward another day. Think Goggle and Facebook are showing me memories from when I honored your birthday just before the clock striking midnight, years past!

Requesting my prayer group pray for you as your birthday was still 24 hours away.

Forgetting I promised another to attend her event, not only because her event not only fell on your birthday, but she shared your first name. Thankfully, the love she has shown me over the last twenty-five year is what I wish to receive from you, but her presence in my company would only amply your absence all the more.

See, I blocked out anything that would make me remember that after living half-century, I still yearn and pray for the woman that gave birth to me to truly see me for who I am and love me with no strings attached.

To see that the child that was expected to be nothing is very much someone!

See, today I am a mother of two like you. Unlike you, I have two boys whose bloodline is identical.

Like you, I make sure that they are educated without suffering the ills that I faced with the educational system but place no limits on high they will soar.

Like you, I accept medical diagnoses to attain the services to correct perceived issues but defy prognoses knowing that God gave me two mighty men of valor.

Yes, like you, I found myself divorced from my children’s father, but despite his ideologies, I won’t deny my sons the right to have a relationship with their father. Nor will I  allow another man’s possibilities to block their relationship either.

Maybe I am still that odd daughter, the one that doesn’t have a relationship with her mother yet yearns for one. Have I been deprived or short-changed? Not all!

See the God I was taught about back in Ohio; I found Him again when I was about twenty-seven years old. God gave me a hug when I asked if He was real and if he really loved me. The one who said, “When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the LORD will take care of me.” Psalm 27:10

See, over the years, I learned the one whom I  yearned to be closed was the creator of my pain. The pain that birth purpose, endurance, and voice I have today.

The one who bled over my sons because of an open wound from her childhood that never healed, yet she forgot that part of her might be in me as I protected them from her venom.

Her words that played on repeat in my head, instead feud the determination to accomplished more. At first, to make her proud, then just for me, but now to leave a legacy, not of pain, but of hope as I break the chains of generation pass.

Yes, I have forgiven her actions towards me as a child. I have forgiven her deeds towards my sons. I pray for restoration with our Heavenly Father that all her works won’t burn in the trial by fire. But as long as she has breath, as long God hears my prayer and grants her another day, another year, the little girl will always seek unconditional love from the only human that it should come freely.

However, understand I am because she brought me into this world by God’s creation, I became who I am by God’s design, and I walk in my purpose designed by God. So if I never feel and hear those words from her, God has shared them with me with each spiritual mom He has brought into my life.

*no copyright infringement is intended

As we enter into this New Year, I can return to sharing the word and love of the our Father God, Big Brother Jesus, and Best Friend Holy Spirit. 

2020 may have restricted or removed many things from our lives and, in some cases, even holes in the fabric of our lives as we lost loved one’s this past year. But the Word of God could not restrict from going out. Yes, in my case, my device, followed by the homeschooling, disrupted my morning writings. Yes, churches around the world closed their doors to community gatherings. But the church building nor my previous devices holds the power to stop the Word of God from reaching His children. 

Your heart holds the Gospel

My sheep know my voice, and another they shall not listen to, is stated in the Bible. Words that let us know God talk with us, He walks with us, and He tells us we are His own. How I used to love hearing my mother sing that song, but now I know the meaning of those words so clear. 

There have been many times I have physically felt alone, where a human touch would have been nice, but I know I am never alone for as long as I draw near to my Heavenly Father, He will draw near to me. The same applies to each of you as well.

“May this year 2021 Harvest be great from the seeds planted by your pain and watered by your tears, and tended to by your sorrow of 2020.” 

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by MARSHA BURNS

In a vision I saw angels filling the room, and I heard the Lord say: Behold, I send angels before you into this new year, a season of extraordinary significance. I will use you by sending you as My emissary into seemingly impossible situations. I will send you with My power and strength and wisdom to do the exact right thing to extricate those who are in the throes of the enemy. Trust Me and know that you are not alone in all that I send you to do. Psalm 91:9-11 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.

I have always know just how fragile life is. But today, as I personally, know families morning a loss of love ones that I can I would like I otherwise change the world to get to. As I know other families all dealing with some sickness that I can not even offer any assistance to. Many of us flow in similar circles and may know the same individuals. I realize how this whole new way of living is really showing us what really matters.

It’s not the number of likes on a post or a page. It’s not even the amount of sponsors we may be able to attract to our platform. But it the relationships that we form that with one another that will sustain us. I have been slow to use social media to promote myself for that very reason.

It is the connection that I make by honestly talking with an individual that allows me to walk in my calling. Yes, people need to know who I am when my books are released, and social media is good for that. But in between books, what will people say about me. Will anyone, be able to say, “I know who CeeMystique really is,” or will I just be another social media sensation whose soul is unknown?

The work that I am to do, is not for me to live on social media, but use it strategically as a tool for good. But my actual work is in building relationships that allow the love of my God to flow through me.

Life is precious, and we are seeing just how short it really can be. Build relationships, be your sisters’ keeper, your brothers’ keeper at this time is crucial. Yes, we must keep our social distance to stop the spread of the virus, but we can pick up the phone and make a call. We can Skype, Duo, and Zoom as well. When you do go shopping and know someone else who may not be able to go out, see if you can pick up something for them. Zelle helps when you are cash short for a refund.

Let’s learn to be the community and village our ancestors once were when they had much less and did so much more. When they all had, and no one did without.